You need to eat


"...he who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton; he who does not cannot be otherwise" ~ Henry David Thoreau

" eat is a necessity, to eat intelligently is an art." ~ La Rochefoucauld

"...I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead... not sick... not wounded - dead" ~ Woody Allen

"...the woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn't even know they carried" ~ Mignon McLaughlin

"'s so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it" ~ Julia Child

"...Nouvelle Cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid ninety-six dollars and I'm still hungry" ~ Mike Kalin

"...even were a cook to cook a fly, he would keep the breast for himself" ~ Polish Proverb

"...escargot is french for fat crawling bag of phlegm" ~ Dave Barry

"...I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting" ~ Andy Rooney

"...I don't like gourmet cooking or "this" cooking or "that" cooking. I like good cooking" ~ James Beardu

"...the food here is terrible, and the portions are too small" ~ Woody Allen

" of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating" ~ Luciano Pavarotti

"...if you've never experienced pizza burn on the roof of your mouth, then I don't think you like pizza" ~ Me

", the remote starting point, the very genesis of our art?" ~ Escoffier

"...why did humans start cooking their food over a fire instead of eating it raw like the rest of the animals" ~ Anonymous

"...there is no such thing as bad whiskey, some whiskeys just happen to be better than others. But a man shouldn't fool with booze until he's fifty; then he's a damn fool if he doesn't" ~ William Faulkner

"...thought : why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage" ~ Woody Allen

" is exquisite, what a pity it isn't illegal" ~ Voltaire

" food makes me sick" ~ Calvin Trillin

"...did you ever notice they never take any fat hostages? You never see a guy coming out of Lebanon going: I was held hostage for seven months and I lost 175 pounds, I feel good and I look good and I learned self-discipline. That's the important thing" ~ Denis Leary

", to taste right, must swim three times- in water, in butter and in wine" ~ Polish Proverb

"...statistics show that of those who contract the habit of eating, very few survive" ~ Wallace Irwin

"...sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be engaged in lightly" ~ M.F.K. Fisher

" was kind of boring for me to have to eat, I would know that I had to, and I would" ~ Kate Moss

"...if it had been an Italian who codified the world of cuisine, it would be thought of as Italian” ~ Escoffier

"...sacred cows make the best hamburger" ~ Mark Twain

"...but those aren't the flavors. That'd make too much sense. Apple and pear, according to Dr. Phil, are body types the bars are made for. Hey, I've got some advice. If you look like an apple or a pear, eat an apple or a pear!" (On Dr. Phil's energy bars) ~ Lewis Black

"...vegetarian: a person who only eats side dishes" ~ Gerald Lieberman

"...the right diet directs sexual energy into the parts that matter" ~ Barbara Cartland

"...the trouble with eating Italian food is that 5 or 6 days later you're hungry again" ~ George Miller

"...vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter" ~ Author Unknown

"...never play poker with a man called doc, never eat at a place called mom's, and never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than you own" ~ Algren's Law

" a cow, eat a vegetarian" ~ Author Unknown

"...the devil came to me last night and asked what I wanted in exchange for my soul. I still can't believe I said pizza. Friggin' cravings" ~ Marc Ostroff

"...all normal people eat meat, if I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'yo goober, where's the meat?' I'm trying to impress people here Lisa... you don't make friends with salad! you don't make friends with salad!...." ~ Homer Simpson

" did the Italians eat spaghetti before the advent of the tomato? Was there such a thing as tomato-less Neapolitan pizza?” ~ Elizabeth David

"...the perfect lover is one who turns into pizza at 4 A.M." ~ Charles Pierce

"...vegetarians have wicked, shifty eyes, and laugh in a cold calculating manner, they pinch little children, steal stamps, drink water, favor beards" ~ J.B. Morton

" weaknesses have always been food and men - in that order" ~ Dolly Parton

"...God sends meat, and the Devil sends cooks" ~ John Taylor

"...researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana, the researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." ~ Matt Lauer

"...anything that walks, swims, crawls, or flies with its back to heaven is edible" ~ Cantonese Saying

"...vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie" ~ Jim Davis

"...grub first, then ethics" ~ Bertold Brecht

"...God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?" ~ Restroom in The Irish Times, Washington DC

" favorite animal is steak" ~ Fran Lebowitz

" doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four, unless there are three other people" ~ Orson Welles

"...I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good - if it's the pepper or the oni" ~ Ulrik Stephens

"...a gourmet who thinks of calories is like a tart who looks at her watch” ~ James Beard

"...I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks" ~ Totie Fields

"...everybody has to believe in something.....I believe I'll have another drink" ~ W.C. Fields

"...poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese" ~ Gilbert K. Chesterson

"...I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a moustache" ~ Niles Crane

"...cheese - milk's leap towards immortality" ~ Clifton Fadiman

"...always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut" ~ Ernest Hemmingway

"" know how to tell if the teacher is hung over?... movie day" ~ Jay Mohr

"...I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup" ~ Eddie Izzard

"...when I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading" ~ Henny Youngman

"...never eat more than you can lift” ~ Miss Piggy

"'re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on" ~ Dean Martin

"...I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time" ~ Steven Wright

"...may your glass be ever full, may the roof over your head be always strong, and may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead" ~ Old Irish Toast

" coke with lemon, didn't that used to be called Pledge?" ~ Jay Leno

"...if God had intended us to be vegetarians, why did He make animals out of meat?” ~ John Cleese

"...I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day" ~ Frank Sinatra

"...the two biggest sellers in bookstores are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it" ~ Andy Rooney

"...I don't know. I never smoked AstroTurf" ~ Tug McGraw (when asked if he preferred grass or artificial turf)

"...the only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook" ~ Julia Child

"..."is Elizabeth Taylor fat? Her favorite food is seconds" ~ Joan Rivers

" meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" ~ Tommy Smothers

" better cut the pizza in four pieces, because I'm not hungry enough to eat six” ~ Yogi Berra

"...I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are" ~ Groucho Marx

"...strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces" ~ Judith Viorst

"...only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat" ~ Alex Levine

"...the problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind" ~ Humphrey Bogart

"...expecting the world to treat you fairly becuse you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you becaue you are vegetarian" ~ Dennis Wholey

" food may be good for the conscience but Oreos taste a hell of a lot better" ~ Robert Redford

"...I'm a big fan of the effects of alcohol" ~ Peter Steele

"...eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling" ~ Dave Barry

"...once, during prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water" ~ W.C. Fields

"...I don't like jail, they got the wrong kind of bars in there" ~ Charles Bukowski

"...I do not like broccoli, and I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it, and I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli” ~ George W. Bush

"...a fool and his money are soon partying" ~ Anonymous

"...the best way to lose weight is to close your mouth - something very difficult for a politician, or watch what you eat - just watch it, don't eat it" ~ Edward Koch

"...sometimes you just have to pee in the sink" ~ Charles Bukowski

" expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon" ~ Doug Larson

"...avoid fruits and nuts, you are what you eat” ~ Jim Davis

" is an important part of a balanced diet" ~ Fran Lebowitz

"...I was right in the middle of a fucking reptile zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things" ~ Raoul Duke

"...nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity" ~ Voltaire

"...we think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking" ~ Steve Elbert

" is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn" ~ Garrison Keillor

"...after all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps" ~ Miss Piggy

" man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut" ~ Channing Pollock

"...I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning" ~ John Barrymore

"...when baking, follow directions. When cooking, go by your own taste" ~ Laiko Bahrs

"...if only it was as easy to banish hunger by rubbing the belly as it is to masturbate" ~ Diogenes the Cynic

"...never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first" ~ Josh Billings

" secret ingredient.....salt!" ~ Marge Simpson

"...there is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will" ~ Robert Frost

"...there is no love sincerer than the love of food" ~ George Bernard Shaw

"...recipe: a series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog wouldn't eat" ~ Author Unknown

"...good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of feasts!" ~ James Beard

" for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists" ~ Joan Gussow

"...watermelon: it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face" ~ Enrico Caruso

" can tell how long a couple has been married by whether they are on their first, second or third bottle of Tobasco" ~ Bruce Bye

"...hey, Homer, I'm worried about the beer supply, after this case, and the other case, there's only one case left" ~ Barney

"...a fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do" ~ P.J. O'Rourke

"...and I find chopsticks frankly distressing. Am I alone in thinking it odd that a people ingenious enough to invent paper, gunpowder, kites and any number of other useful objects, and who have a noble history extending back 3,000 years haven't yet worked out that a pair of knitting needles is no way to capture food?" ~ Bill Bryson

"...24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" ~ Stephen Wright

" can never have enough garlic, with enough garlic, you can eat the New York Times" ~ Morley Safer

"...a woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her" ~ W.C. Fields

"...honey, could you pass the, um, 'I Can't Believe It's Not Salad Dressing?" ~ Carrie Heffernan

"...I fear the man who drinks water and so remembers this morning what the rest of us said last night" ~ Greek Proverb

"...tomatoes and oregano make it Italian, wine and tarragon make it French, sour cream makes it Russian, lemon and cinnamon make it Greek, soy sauce makes it Chinese, garlic makes it good" ~ Alice May Brock

"...a man is in general better pleased when he has a good dinner upon his table, than when his wife talks Greek" ~ Samuel Johnson

"...C is for cookie, and that's good enough for me" ~ Cookie Monster

"...there are five elements: earth, air, fire, water and garlic" ~ Louis Diat

"...if God had intended us to follow recipes, He wouldn't have given us grandmothers" ~ Linda Henley

"...I like children......fried" ~ WC Fields

" know, as long as we can't sleep, you wanna take advantage of this and go to a diner?" ~ Doug Heffernan

"...whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in it's infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary" ~ Oscar Wilde

" can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline, it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer" ~ Frank Zappa

" grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses....drinks right out of the bottle" ~ Henry Youngman

"mmm... (insert tasty food-based product here)" ~ Homer Simpson

"...I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer" ~ Bob Monkhouse

" dare you say Canadians are boring!!....who would have even dared try clam juice in their bloody mary?" ~ Me

" day of practice is like one day of clean living. It doesn't do you any good" ~ Abe Lemmons

"...I don't even butter my bread; I consider that cooking" ~ Katherine Cebrian

" the cause of and solution to, all of life's problems" ~ Homer Simpson

"...I like rice. Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something" ~ Mitch Hedberg

" is not about impressing people, it's about making them feel comfortable” ~ Ina Garten

"...we are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons" ~ Alfred E. Newman

" is the curse of the drinking class" ~ Oscar Wilde

"...meat is murder.....tasty, tasty murder" ~ A T-Shirt I Saw

"...All you see, I owe to spaghetti" ~ Sophia Loren

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